Do you know what makes a relationship fail?

Clearly – the other person!

It is so much easier to blame others for the failure of a relationship. But much as we might hate to admit it— there are two sides to every story.

So what can you do to make your love relationship work? Because once you’re in a relationship, the issue becomes less about <em>finding</em> the “one”,  and more about what you intend to do with the one you’ve got.  With divorce statistics screeching a minor chord in the backs of our minds, many of us are searching for that missing link to healthy relating.

The first step is perhaps the least obvious but it is so important because you can’t give to others what you are unable to give to yourself. We’ll call it self love.  Even in this age of hyper individualism where everybody is supposedly so cool with their own uniqueness—true self love can be hard to come.  Maybe that’s because so much of ‘self’ is measured by appearances—what you own, do, look like ( shudder…weigh). That, my friends, is not necessarily love.  Accepting and honoring what you own, do, look like (shudder….weigh) is what real love is about.

What did that very wise person once say about loving another as you would love yourself? Hmmm. If you are judging all the time and breaking bad on your self for every little thing, guess what you’re liable to be doing with the other guy!

Think of it this way. Learning to truly love (and accept) yourself is not selfish. It’s good practice for learning to love another.

So is this end of the story? Actually, no—it’s just the beginning of a journey—a life long journey of learning and growing.

Here are 5 ways to enjoy more self love:

1. Be Mindful – When you are present and in the moment, it gives you more opportunity to enjoy life, and yourself, without incessant self doubt and worry.

2. Be Kind – You are human. Humans are flawed. It is important to accept your humanness, learn from painful decisions, and move forward with compassion. If you notice that you are starting to flog yourself for a bad decision, stop! Ask yourself if you would talk to a friend that way. Consider what you would say to to a good friend if they called you with the same exact scenario. Then, redirect that kindness toward yourself. There are no failures – only feedback.

3. Set Yourself Up For Success – If you know that you are a more pleasant person after a walk or even a cup of coffee then make sure you are doing the things that set you up for success. When you take care of yourself and your basic needs, it is a lot easier to have compassion and acceptance for yourself. This is a great way to create a healthy cycle of self love.

4. Create Healthy Boundaries – We all have boundaries. When you learn to communicate your needs and limits to others, and stick to them, you gain more power of your personal energy and your relationships to others. You will love yourself more for it!

5. Stay True To You – People who live in alignment with their life’s purpose or personal mission find it easier to love and accept themselves and life’s challenges more than those who don’t. Make time to discover who you are and what you want. It is much easier to make decisions on the sometimes bumpy road of life when you are living true to your purpose.

Please note: This article is not designed to provide any relationship or health advice. If you are in a seriously unhealthy relationship or a dangerous situation please seek professional help: 1-800-799-7233

By Kaileen Sherk
Host of the Silva Life System, Life Coach, NLP Master, Certified Hypnotherapist, and Product Development Specialist. Kaileen lives the Silva Lifestyle and writes for Silva from her home in Sydney AU.

A Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love by Deborah Khoshaba, Psy.D.
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